Growing up I was often told that I was chubby by my family, friends, and of course people that did not like me in school. I was teased in elementary school by the girls in my class. They called me “Miss Piggy” which I hated!
My mom use to try to make me feel better and say it was because we both were “glamorous”, but I knew what they meant.
I’ve always been full and rather short. Also, my cheeks are huge so that does not help. What are five pounds on you, look like ten on me. Needless to say, I grew up with a lot of insecurities due to this, and a lot of phobia of being fat.
In third grade, I started to skip dinner. I thinned out. I loved hearing that I lost weight. Why was a third grader thinking about this? I do not know, but I was. I think that’s partly why I am so petite. I was not feeding my body the nutrients it needed to grow. I also think all of the yo-yo dieting caused some type of metabolic damage.
MY INSECURITIES SNOWBALLED
I went through phases of course throughout my teen and young adult years. At times, I was disciplined. I guess you can say when I am disciplined, I am borderline obsessive. I did things like avoiding hanging out with friends just to swerve the extra calories. I would exercise twice a day and only eat canned tuna (no mayo). (Good thing I never got mercury poisoning haha.)
Then I would spiral down and eat whatever I wanted, never worked out, binged on energy drinks and hurricanes. These are the times that I hated the way I looked and had a difficult time accepting myself.
NUTELLA IS MY LIFE
Luckily for me, when I moved abroad I dropped about ten pounds effortlessly. I still ate Nutella often, but I walked everywhere and was able to avoid the processed foods we have here in the states. After this happened, I was excited and grateful about my appearance again. I was feelin’ myself hahah. It was awesome!
Maybe a little over a year after returning to Houston, I gained it all back and some. Thank you poor diet, lack of exercise and the stress of college. You were good to me…but not really.
After a while, I sort of resigned and felt I was meant to be chubby. I was exhausted, exhausted of stressing over my weight, watching what I ate, complaining about it, thinking about it PERIOD. So I decided to not think about it at all. But I was thinking about it. I wasn’t happy with the idea of conforming with being unhealthy. It was just easier than over obsessing like usual.
TIME FOR A CHANGE
Once I graduated college, and suddenly had more time for myself, I started to work out. This time around, I knew that I wanted to trim down, but I was mortified of going back into my obsessive mode. I decided to concentrate on being strong, feeling energetic, polishing my self-esteem and hopefully extending my life’s longevity.
This was the first time that I lifted weights, and made exercise a normal and stable part of my life routine. Not because I only cared about my appearance but also my well-being.
I am in my late twenties. I can finally say that I am comfortable in my body. I still have hardships. At times, I stare in the mirror, and I don’t like what I see. Thankfully, most days, I am accepting and loving of what is in front of me.
SO WHAT’S THE SECRET TO BODY CONFIDENCE?
There is none.
But I would say mentality is key.
This is MY body. I am healthy. I am active. I try my best to eat balanced meals, and although not perfect I feel good and energetic. I understand that my body is an incredible tool. I can shape it, love it, preserve it, or neglect it. How this tool sustains itself, and what it accomplishes is entirely up to me.
With that being said, I always dreamed of wearing a brazilian style bikini but would become horrified of the thought of anyone seeing my cellulite. As of now, I no longer care. THIS IS WHO I AM! I am still working on becoming a better me, but I am also loving who I am in the process.
I encourage you to do the same! Accept who you are. Love who you are in this moment, as you work on improving yourself everyday. Don’t stress to be perfect. You are already on point.
Share your journey below. I would love to hear about it.